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16 Oct 2020

Who do I want to be?

Lately I have been thinking a lot about the law of attraction and the power of manifestation. Throughout this whole crazy pandemic we are all experiencing I have gotten to know myself so much more than ever before. I realise the things I love about myself and the things I want to improve on. I have come to realise that my past experiences have a huge influence on who I am today and are holding me back from reaching my full potential. It's funny when you believe, or are told something for so long it is really hard to shift your perspective or idea and realise that actually it doesn't have to be true. I am not an embodiment of my past, my future can be anything I wish it to be. 

This year I have come to realise that I can actually be whoever I want to be. I really do strongly believe that and I guess believing it is the first, and arguably the most important step. The next step though I am finding a little more difficult. I am still trying to figure out who it is exactly I want to be and I am hoping by writing this blog post I will be unravelling the thoughts in my head, straightening them out and figuring out just that. 

I may not be exactly sure 'who' I want to be just yet, it's not like I should be pointing to someone I admire and saying 'I want to be just like her' because I would only be setting myself up for failure by doing that. I guess I want to be the best possible version of myself that I can be, I don't know who that girl is yet but I do know the kind of habits I want to be practicing and the mindset I want to be in. 

I want to wake up in the morning feeling energised and excited to take on the new day. I want to feel confident in myself and my abilities and know that whatever the day throws at me I will be able to face it and get through it. 

I want to be able to look in the mirror at myself and to love what I see, I want to think 'you are a beautiful person inside and out and you deserve the best'. I want to believe in my own worth, to know I deserve to be happy and fulfilled in all aspects of my life. I want to know not to settle for anything less than the absolute best. My own self-worth will not be influenced by what other people think of me, by my relationships or lack there-of, by peoples words, by social media or how many 'likes' my latest photo gets on Instagram or by failures or successes in work. My self worth will be influenced by the fact that I know I am an inherently good person, I am kind, generous, thoughtful, loving and trying my hardest to live a good life. 

I want to stop fearing what people think of me or second guessing myself when having a conversation with someone. I want to believe I am likable and deserving of good friends. I want to be someone who isn't afraid or rejection, I want to confidently put myself out there to meet new people, if they like me great, if not, that's their problem.

I want to get enough sleep. Restful sleep. I want to be able to turn my phone off at 10pm, unwind and be asleep by 11pm. I want to be someone who can jump out of bed at 7am and not feel like I need 'just one more minute' I don't want to feel fatigued throughout the day. I want to be healthy. I want to fuel myself with good foods, I want to eat more fruit and veg and cut down on the breads and carbs. I want to drink enough water every day. 

I want to go outside. To walk in woodlands, visit the beaches, feel the sun on my face, inhale the fresh air and take in the beauty all around me. I want to be appreciative of nature and the world.

I want to try new things, do more baking, more painting, read new books, watch new shows on Netflix. I want to learn new things and educate myself. I want to spend less time scrolling aimlessly through my phone, I want to be someone who uses her time meaningfully. 

I want to dress in beautiful clothes, wear lovely make-up and have my hair gorgeously styled. I want to look good, because when I look good, I feel confident and I feel like I can be the best version of myself. I don't want to spend money recklessly on the latest styles, trying to keep up with everyone else. I want to have my own classic style with key-pieces that can be re-worn.

I want to continue working on my Instagram page. I love the community and I love creating content.  I want to believe that my page is capable of great things. I am just as good as everyone else and I can reach the goals I set for myself. I want to keep taking photos, I want to be creative and make more reels. I want to speak more on my stories and open up a bit more of my personality on there. I don't want to be worried about what people will think of me because all that matters is what I think of me. I want to have the chats on there, I want to make new and meaningful friendships with like minded people, who knows, I may even get to meet them in real life one day. I want to confidently work with brands. Nothing is too big or too good for me. I want to create a space I love and enjoy going to but I don't want it to be the basis of my entire self worth. I want to limit my time on there, not checking obsessively. I don't want to care if someone unfollows me or no one comments on my latest post. It' not a reflection on how good I am, so long as I am enjoying it, I am going to keep going.   

I want to be someone who looks after her mental health. I want to take time for me. I want to regularly practice meditation and reap the benefits of it. I want to get into the habit of repeating morning affirmations to set myself up for a great day. I want to use my bullet journal more, to organise my days, track my habits, and record any thoughts I might be having. I want to keep my goals in mind of who I want to be and always be working towards them but I also want to be able to take the time to do nothing and just 'be' without feeling bad about it.         


I am not expecting anyone to read this post. I am writing it for myself. I am hoping that whenever I feel like I am not sure exactly of what I am striving for, I can refer back to this post, be reminded and be put back on track. 

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