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18 May 2020

The Lockdown Diaries #2

Hey Guys! Whoa it's been a while since I checked in on here. I thought it was a good time to come on and have a little chat about how I am getting on during these crazy crazy times. Today marks the start of the easing of restrictions here in Ireland. 'Phase One' of reopening the country has began, garden centres, hardware stores and construction sites are re-opening and we are now allowed to meet up with groups of less than 4 people once it is outdoors, within 5km from our home and maintaining social distancing (obvs)

To be honest the month of May has seen a little bit of a decline in my mental health - I'm finding working from home super difficult, I miss the routine of getting up, getting dress nicely and heading out for the day. Now I just walk 6ft from my bed to the desk and lemme tell ya, cabin fever is real! My motivation to work has been low this month and I've been tired all the time, struggling to push myself out for an evening walk even though I know how beneficial they would be from my head. 

Apart from the cabin fever, loneliness has really started to set in this month. I am so lucky to be staying with my sister and her family, I have loads of company, there is always someone to talk to and I have my gorgeous 2yr old niece to cuddle when I want to. I still have a strong feeling of loneliness though, it's like I am lonely for contact with strangers if that makes sense, I miss the chit chat with clients in work and the lady in the coffee shop, I have this feeling of being shut off from the rest of the world and other people. 

I'm not writing this blog post for a pity party or to complain or to feel sorry for myself, I am totally blessed in so many ways and I know that. I'm not even complaining about feeling lonely or the cabin fever because to be honest, those feelings and the feeling of being generally down is to be totally expected - we are in the middle of a goddamn pandemic! what normal person would get through that unaffected?!

I just wanted to come on here and say yes this is hard, yes this is dragging on now, yes I am feeling more anxious and sad than I normally would and yes I am freaking out about the uncertainty of the future and the idea that social distancing may become or new normal. 

I want you to know that if you have similar emotions to me, I feel ya sister! We are all feeling all of these things and it's totally ok. Don't be mad at yourself for not being your usual chirpy and productive self, cut yourself some slack. No one expects you to be OK all the time. 

Sending lots of love to anyone who reads this! I'm not sure if many people read blog posts anymore, but I still like to use this little space to share some feels. 

Let me know in the comments how you're feeling, or message me on insta - @sineadkathryn - I'm way more present over there these. 

Sinead xo

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