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18 Mar 2018

Dealing with the loss of friendship

When you're in your mid-twenties I think it's a given that you have experienced the loss of a friendship, by simply growing apart, at some stage. This time of life is full of change. People are moving away, getting into more serious relationships, starting out in their careers and just generally adulting more. Gone are the days of having nothing but free time to hang out with your friends once your homework is done.

I gotta' say I found this transition really difficult. Suddenly my best friend lived the other side of the country and I rarely had the opportunity to see her. At first, we talked heaps on social media and made sure to keep each other updated on all the lil' highs and lows of each other's lives but as time went on the contact became less and less. I found myself feeling jealous of all the new friends she had made, who were always around her. It sounds so childish saying this now, but the idea of one of them pushing me off my perch and becoming her best friend actually made me ache a bit inside. 

As time months and years passed it became harder and harder to get hold of her, never mind organise a meetup. It wasn't until she updated her relationship status to 'in a relationship' on Facebook and I had never even heard her talk about any man she was interested in, that I knew our 18-year long friendship was over.

Isn't it weird when the person you told everything to since the age of 4 now has no idea what is going on in your life? 
I definitely miss how things used to be between us and sometimes it does upset me that we are no longer in each other's lives. I often think about how as kids we made a pinky promise to have each other as bridesmaids at each other's weddings and we used to go into detail about what it would be like. Now I'm not even sure if we will be guests at each other's weddings.

After trying so many times to reach out and re-connect but it always feeling strained and unnatural, you've got to learn to accept it and let go. I know it's SO sad but It's so important to remember that it's nothing you did, it's just something that naturally happens when you grow up. 

There are no ill feelings between us and no matter how long it's been since we last spoke, she will always hold a special place in my heart, after all, some of my best childhood memories include her. So instead of being sad for what I've lost, I'm happy with what I did have, an amazing friend to share that part of my life with, maybe I'm just not meant to share the rest of my life with her, and I've learned to be ok with that. 

Sinéad x

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