What are you looking for?
14 Mar 2018

Confidence | My battle

Confidence, confidence is something I have struggled with my entire life and something I continue to struggle with. In fact, I think my lack of belief in myself is probably my fatal flaw. I think if it wasn't for that I could be doing so much more. I am envious of those people who are able to walk into a room and feel completely sure of themselves. Sure that they are smart, funny, outgoing, sure that people want to be their friend, sure that they are capable, sure that they are hirable, sure that they are worth all of the amazing things life has to offer. 

Sometimes this lack of confidence I have really eats me up, it frustrates me and makes me angry. It's one thing I really wish I could change about myself and it makes me like myself a little bit less. It's a bit of a vicious circle really. 

I am so very aware that I am not confident enough when it comes to many things in life and that it is holding me back, but at the same time, I'm not really sure how to change that. 
The only thing that reassures me a bit is reflecting on my past self and realising that I have actually improved quiet a bit since I was a teenager. There are some things that I am so much more confident in now that I was then. 

Like my appearance, I used to be so self-conscious about my looks, mostly because I had acne. Now, without sounding vain, I am happy with my look. Sure, I would like if I had a fitter body and not so many scars on my legs but that doesn't really bother me or hold me back when I go out I more often than not feel confident in my appearance. 

My 25-year-old self cares a lot less about what people think of me than my 15-year-old self. I will confidently share my thoughts and opinions with people without worrying about whether or not others will agree with that opinion or if they will hate me for it. I now know that my opinions matter and are valid. 

Reflecting on how my confidence has grown makes me realise that even though I am still not confident in so many aspects of my life now, I am better than I used to be, which means I can continue to improve. 

Maybe people in their twenties are just naturally more insecure and less sure of themselves, maybe it all comes with life experience and time. 

Going forward, I'm going to go easier on myself and try not to get mad at myself when I'm feeling unconfident. Instead I need to gently remind myself about how far I have come and encourage myself to be surer of myself. I need to stop the vicious circle of feeling unconfident and hating myself for it. 

I need to love myself first and maybe that's what will get my confidence to where I want it to be.

Chat soon,
Sinéad x

Add your comment


Subscribe for updates