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19 Jan 2017

Being Lonely Together

Loneliness is a peculiar emotion. It can creep in at anytime. It doesn't matter if you have been feeling fine 10 minutes ago or that you are surrounded by people and definitely not alone. 

It's an emotion I have experienced a lot of in the past. When I reflect on my days in university the most prominent feeling I remember is loneliness. But there was a reason for it, I was terribly isolated, spending most of my days alone and God I am so happy my life has moved on from there.

Since then, the feeling has definitely lessened. Nowadays, I rarely feel lonely. I'm constantly surrounded by people in work and there is nearly always someone to talk to there. At home, I have my mum, dad and my brother, plus my nieces and nephew who add a lot of welcomed noise and company to my life when they come 'round. 

But these last couple of days, I have been feeling incredibly lonely again, but this time I don't know why. I feel alone in my body, like I wish someone could come inside my head and hug me from the inside. That sounds very weird, but y'know what I'm saying? Like, no ones company is enough, no one can connect with me enough, no one can truly see things from my point of view or feel what I can feel. Like no one is else is me, or in my shoes and no one ever will be. 
What is perhaps worse than the loneliness is not understanding the reason for it. I have no reason to feel this way. I have a great mum who is always full of chat, I am surrounded by people and friends every day, and I have my boyfriend who is my 'person' who is always there for me. So why do I feel this emptiness inside?

I cannot work it out, but I am trying to take comfort in the fact that this is just a feeling, probably caused by chemicals in my body - there doesn't need to be a reason for it. Also there's a quote from a movie that I find so helpful whenever I feel this way. It's from 'P.S I Love You' and it goes a little something like this...
"The thing to remember is if we're all alone, then we're all together in that too"
I love this quote because it reminds me that I'm never truly alone. There are 7 billion people in the world, out there living their lives. Each and every one of them has most likely felt lonely at some point. People are feeling the way I feel right now, and I take comfort in that fact. The knowledge of that is like that hug from the inside that I need. 

So whenever you feel lonely and isolated and like you don't have anyone who can ever truly know what it feels like to be you. Just remember that sometimes, I feel like that too. And we are together in that. 

Sinéad x

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