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6 Feb 2015

Time For Me

Lately, I've been feeling a little alone and lost. I have been searching for something to be the centre of my life, to be the centre of my attention. I think not being a university student any more has thrown me a little bit. I'm no longer surrounded by people my own age. I have no friends in town to hang out with since they are all either in university in some far away city or are teaching in the UK or Dubai. I am at a point in my life where I have no 'person' no one who is mine to hang out with in the evening or go out on with at weekends, or just generally talk to throughout the day about common interests. I have always had that. I would go to university and there would be at least one person there who was exactly like me who I could converse with. I think that's the thing about being a student, the most important and central thing in your life are your friends. Now that that whole lifestyle has been taken away I've been feeling a bit confused as to what my life is at the moment. What is it about?

Lately, I've been trying to find someone to be my person. Someone to be that focus I guess. This week I have been very disappointed by a potential person. But surprisingly it didn't really hurt me or make me sad. It actually helped me put a lot of things in to perspective and I am starting to realise what my life is right now and what I really want to be its focus; me.

I have decided to try and accept the stage of life I am in right now and appreciate it it for what it is. Yes, I am alone but this is my time to focus on myself. I'm at a stage in my life where I'm starting out on my career and I am becoming an adult. This is a hugely transitional stage and it's very exciting really. That's what I want to focus on - becoming who I want to be and making my career a priority. I have the teaching degree but I don't think that makes me a teacher. I have so much to learn. I still have to find my style, different teaching strategies I like and dislike, I need to find my teacher personality and just figure out what kind of teacher I want to be. 'Teacher' is going to be a very strong aspect of who I am for the rest of my life and I want to establish that and become a really good one now, at the very beginning. 

I think being independent is one of the greatest things you can be. It's what I am striving for. I want to be happy with myself, alone. I want to be strong, I don't need anyone else right now. I want to focus on figuring out my career and my life and who I am. I think finding happiness within yourself and your own achievements is the epitome of success.

Nothing is a given, but hopefully for a very large part of my life my children and husband will be the centre of it and I will have lots of more friends around me.

So I don't want to feel sad or lonely or lacking focus right now. I want to appreciate this time for what it is. Because this is it, this is my time. Time for me, alone, I may never get this time again. This is the time for me to look inside myself. Time for me to figure out who I am and who I want to be, both professionally and as a woman. This is the the time of my life. 

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Anonymous said...

I can so relate to this post, in several different ways.

The first one, as remembering feeling exactly the same when I first came out of university. I suddenly moved back home, to a place where I had never really felt what I had felt at uni. I didn't have any friends left there and I had absolutley no idea what was going to come next. I also looked for a person, and when that didn't work out, I realised that actually, the person I needed to work on was me.

And now a couple of years later, I've sort of being feeling simmilar. I finally have the right job for me, I have my own flat, I have a group of friends, and all that is missing is 'that person.' Their absence left me feeling pretty low before Christmas, and I honestly got a whole lot darker and twistier than I ever had before, but now I'm back and the only way to describe it is like I have gone through a break up. Which I haven't, I've been single for a long time, but I had to break myself in order to fix myself again. Now I'm really enjoying having all this time and energy to just spend on me.

You never stop growing and your twenties are really tough, but you're the only person you spend every minute of your life with, so you deserve to pay yourself that little bit of extra attention!

Glad to hear you're on the up!

Love Stephie from Tea in your Twenties xx

Anna said...

as soon as I saw the title of this post I knew I'd connect with exactly what you was saying & feeling. Today I went to a local national trust park & had a lonnngggg walk, on my own occasionally ringing my mum & a friend cos it felt like I'd been walking forever (that is another story) but I just wanted/needed to get out, to be free, to be by myself...I certainly managed that, along with my camera :)

so many people are so busy flitting between people I don't think they realise what independent is :/


Melissa Ortiz said...

I can completely relate to this! I hope that you take this time to truly focus on yourself and what makes you happy. :) I believe I'm in that stage of life as well, I think everyone goes through it, and it can be tough. I'm glad that you've turned this whole situation into something positive. <3

Sinead Dreaming said...

I'm glad you could relate to my post Stephie, it's always great to know you're not alone. I hope you are feeling good about everything at the moment too :) x

Sinead Dreaming said...

Ya, I am kind of glad that I'm not someone who constantly needs someone else. Sometimes, being alone is a sign of a strong character I think! x

Sinead Dreaming said...

Thanks Melissa, glad you could relate. I think every situation has it's positives, we just have to find them :) x

Kathryn said...

This is a really tough spot to be in, but I think you have your feet on the ground and are handling it excellently. At the end of the day, the only person that you have is you. Maybe that sounds pessimistic - I don't mean it to be - but it's something that I've realized and it helped me to put into perspective how important it is for me to invest in me. In my feelings, my wellbeing, my health, my career, etc.

I'm so proud you Sinead - keep your head up! You're an awesome, amazing girl.

x Kathryn
Through the Thicket


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