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12 Feb 2015

A Letter to my Teenage Self

Dear 17 year old Sinéad,

You were so scared on those last few weeks of secondary school. You used to count down the amount of weeks, days and classes of each subject you had left. You were so sad to be leaving. You didn't know life outside of school, for the past 5 years it was your safe haven. You loved the teachers, their tantrums and their fun sides, your friends, learning and just the whole community of the school. You did not want to leave. You cherished those last few weeks of school, even bringing in you camera to capture memories because the crazy thing was that is all school would end up being, a memory. You would be entering the great unknown, not knowing what university you would go to or even what you would be studying.

For someone who enjoyed school so much you'd think you were really popular and out-going. You really weren't; you hung out with the same one or two girls at every lunch break. You didn't talk to many other people. You felt self-conscious and didn't believe you were fun enough or 'cool' enough to be anyone else's friend. You cared SO much about what people thought of you. You were so quiet and some people claimed that they had never heard you speak. You would only give answers in class if you were asked specifically. You hated reading out loud. You constantly felt like you were being judged by all of your peers.

You won't believe this, but only 4 years from now you will be back in that same school! You became a teacher. Can you believe that? It's not something you ever planned to be but it happened. Leaving actually wasn't forever! Those teachers you were shy of but secretly admired are now your colleagues and friends, you've heard your super scary English teacher curse and discovered he is actually so much fun. Now, you are no longer the quiet and timid girl at the back of the classroom who is pretty smart but doesn't contribute much you are now the adult at the top of that very same classroom. You're the one doing all the talking, in front of 20 people. You would have absolutely hated to have been called up to write on the board in front of people, now it's what you spend your days doing. You're the authority, you're the one helping and directing. You are confident and happy taking with anyone now. You no longer care what they think of you and you are happy with who you are.

Everything turned out OK in the end. You survived leaving school. You learned so much, grew so much and by the time you return to school you will be a very different person. You won't be an insecure, shy girl you'll become an independent, confident woman.

Have faith in the course your life will take.

Love, 22 year old Sinéad x

Add your comment

Kathryn said...

It's so amazing how everything comes full circle. It's so hard to do so in the moment, but I always tell myself to trust in the process. I'm so happy to hear that you're enjoying the adventures you've been having the past few years and how far you've come!

x Kathryn
Through the Thicket

Jessica The Pyreflies said...

Omg, your high school self sounds just like MY high school self... I was also very quiet, hung out with the same people during lunch and only spoke in class when I was called on. I wanted to become a teacher too... I still kind of do... but I don't want to go back to school (as in college, I wouldn't mind going back to high school though!)

So funny that you heard your old teachers curse! I really enjoyed reading this... usually "a letter to my younger self" type of posts are so boring but I loved this one!


M said...

This is literally an amazing thing to have done. I wouldn't say you've come in a circle, seeing as you've changed so much, but it's awesome seeing yourself in that same environment playing a different character as a different person. Last year I found out that my young English teacher went to our school, and we were asking her about teachers and she said they were now her collegues. I can't imagine how surreal that must be.

The Life of Little Me

Naomi Vangestel said...

Love what you wrote! I wrote a similar blog about things I would tell my 16-year-old self if I could

xo naomiinwonderland.com

Miglė said...

This is so beautiful. There were times in school that I wondered how it would feel to come back to my own school to teach there, even though I never dreamed of becoming a teacher, I always thought it would feel so crazy to become colleagues with the people who used to teach you. But it's so nice to read that you're enjoying it! I've also done a pretty similar post on my blog a while ago and it felt so good writing a letter to my teenage self :))


Anais D said...

This is a beautiful letter...
It's inspiring how much you've achieved and the way you've grown up, matured.
It's hard to overcome our insecurities, I think everybody struggles with them them everyday, and to hear you saying you no longer are intimidated in front of a class makes me very happy for you :)
Thank you for sharing this amazing post!

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