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20 Jan 2015

You Are Good Enough

Do you ever feel like you are being rejected or pushed away? Is one of your best friends suddenly ignoring you and seemingly not wanting to hang out with you? This has happened to me so many times and appears to be happening to me again at the moment. There's no denying it can make you feel rubbish.

Initially, I felt like I wasn't good enough. Perhaps I'm simply not fun enough to hang out with or do things with and my friendship is obviously not valued very much. Maybe I'm boring, maybe I thought we were a lot closer than we actually were. My next thought was 'did I do something wrong?' I have been wrecking my head trying to figure out what it is I did. Focusing in on the most minuscule of details, conversations we had, things I may have said, anything that I have done that may have offended her. 

Then, I start making a big deal of the smallest things that 'prove' she doesn't like me any more like the fact that she hasn't even bothered to open the snap chat I sent her days ago whilst she clearly has been on snap chat since her score has been going up (yup I get that obsessed!)

But when it comes down to it, I know in my heart that I have done nothing wrong. In fact I have been an amazing friend. On new years eve I went out with her despite not really wanting to and I promised I would stay with her if she didn't get in as she had lost her ID. I'm the only one who offered this! It is so easy to think that you are too boring, or you're a generally crappy person but one thing I know is true is the fun we have together, the laughs, conversations and moments we shared.

So what could it be, if I have done nothing? Well, the point of this post is to highlight that in situations like this we probably shouldn't convince ourselves that the problem is with us. We shouldn't focus on ourselves. Jo's blog post helped me realise this. There is a whole lot of reasons why someone might be distant. You never really know what is going on in someone else's life. Maybe she has been extremely busy all Christmas. Maybe she just never felt like leaving the house and coming to see me. Maybe she's feeling down these past few weeks and doesn't want company. Maybe she's hating university and is in a bad place right now. Maybe she has so much more important things on her mind right now. I hope not to all of these things but what I'm trying to say is we never know what someone is going through. There are a so many variables in someone's life. 

Let's try to go easy on ourselves. Believe we are good enough for everyone and no matter who you are your friendship is always something that should be valued. 

That's what I am trying to do. So I'm not going to be mad at her for 'ignoring' me. I'm going to be understanding because life is crazy and unpredictable and I will always be here for her. 

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Jessica The Pyreflies said...

wow reading this I was like "this is me!" I went through this after high school. I wrote about it on my blog but basically one of my best friends just stopped talking to me after we graduated. she invited me to her graduation party, I went, said goodbye and that was the last time she spoke to me. I would text her but she wouldn't reply. I'd ask to go to lunch to talk about it and see what was wrong but she never wanted to. I was so confused. I did eventually see her at the store a couple years later but I don't remember our conversation right now. We still aren't "friends"... and it's so sad. :/ Sorry for rambling on. I hope everything works out with you two and I hope your friend is okay :)


Meg Kernaghan said...

This! I always try to think about why other people are acting the way they are and what might be going on in their own lives!
Try not to stress, I think you are handling this the right way, I'm sure it has nothing to do with you :)
ps. with snapchat, if she had a lot of snaps sent to her at once, the older ones don't show up anymore and she can't open them. So it tell the person who sent them they are unopened. So it may just be snapchat being dodgy!
I try to ignore overthinking everything that isn't face to face in these situations!

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Kathryn said...

I'm so sorry to hear this is something that you're dealing with right now. It's really tough and I've been through it a lot of times before. You're right - likely it has nothing to do with you at all, and your friend is just kind of going through her own thing. If it is someone that you really care about and want to reconnect with, something that I've found to be helpful is just approaching the issue head on. Mention to her, "Did I do something to hurt your feelings? I feel like you've been distant lately and it makes me sad, and if I did anything to upset you I'd like to talk about it."

As you said, the chances are that you didn't do anything - but sometimes just saying that and opening the lines of communication can make the other person realize that they've been kind of shitty lately. It's easy to get wrapped up in your own stuff and I've been on both sides of this situation.

I hope it works out for you!

xx Kathryn

Lyds Blg said...

Me too. This sounds like my personality type as well…sort of building a case for things!

Lyds Blg said...

I totally agree with going easy on ourselves. It's great reading this at the start of my day. I feel a lot lighter! Great post!!

Sinead Dreaming said...

Sorry about your friend! it's nice to know I'm not the only one this happens to :) xxx

Sinead Dreaming said...

Thank you Meg. Yeah you're right, we really shouldn't think about social media, I know how bad it is! xxx

Sinead Dreaming said...

Thanks for sharing your experience Kathryn, it means a lot! Yes, I think I will say that sometime :) xxx

Sinead Dreaming said...

I'm glad you enjoyed reading this! We definitely do need to go easy on ourselves I think xxx

Let Us Wanderlust said...

This is a wonderful post Sinead! I'm so sorry you are dealing with that - it can be so upsetting, even though we know that the reason a friend might be distant might have absolutely nothing to do with what we have done/haven't done. It's still tough! I've definitely been there and learning to go easier on yourself is one of the best things you can learn I think!

Carly xx

Almera Baynos said...

So relatable. This happened to me before. I've exhausted every single corner of my mind thinking of that single possible thing that I've done to upset her. Well, I've stopped controlling things over. If she really is my true friend, she won't allow that little misunderstanding or anything that could break us apart. Bottomline is, we should learn to let go of those people who want to stay out of our life to avoid hurting ourselves. :)

Love this post ♥

Almera | http://almeratalks.blogspot.com/

#Midget said...

I had a friend who has done this to me ever since she got her first boyfriend - now the only time she will ever talk to me is when all of her plans get cancelled and she wants a last resort.

Dib-Dab-Debs said...

I feel like A LOT of friendships just aren't meant to last any more. It's always horrible to feel as though you've done something "wrong" to ruin the relationship, especially when you've done no such thing. I've been here so many times that other than my sisters and husband I feel as though I have one friend. Unfortunately she lives in London now so I don't get to see her nearly as much as I want to but I still love her to bits and we make sure to speak at least once a month. Friendships only work when both sides want to work at it. It's her loss.
Debi x

Kiki Mincks said...

Some times it's hard to accept the fact that people change. Since starting a family, both of us have lost so many friendships due to the fact that we don't go out, and we are in bed by 9. But hey, that's life. We still have those people in our lives that understand one must grow up. If someone cant handle you for who you are then they simply aren't worth it. Keep your head up! (:

Sinead K said...

Thanks Carly. It can be upsetting! Thanks for the empathy :) x

Sinead K said...

Yes Almera, we probably should let go, its really hard if they mean a lot to you! Xxx

Sinead K said...

Oh that's very annoying. Its never good when you're made to feel second best :( hugs xxx

Sinead K said...

I know how you feel Debi. This girl is basically my only friend in my life right now and she connects me to other people I hang out with so it really sucks extra when her ignoring me means I'm completely alone! X

Sinead K said...

Thanks Kiki, means a lot :) x

Neesha Rees said...

It's always hard to think that something else might be going on when you have convinced yourself something different.
Reinventing Neesha ♥

Kayleigh Naysmith said...

Wow, I defo feel like this quite a lot of the time, but thank you for putting a different perspective on it! :)

Kayleigh xoxo


Sophie Harrison said...

I loved this - it's so important to look at it from another angle, as all too often we can become consumed by one vantage point that can be so black and white. Great post! x


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